With their silicone-injected lips and their Botox-injected faces, they pout seductively up at us from the covers of Cosmopoli – tan , enticing us to buy their magazine with promises of “7 New Sex Tricks that Will Leave Him Begging for More . ” As if there were any new tricks . We’ve been at this for millennia, and personally, I think we’ve got it all figured out . And we really don’t need silicone to do it right .
But the message won’t go away . It blares at us from television screens, billboards, movies, and more: Bad girls have more fun! They have more sex and better sex than you boring Good Girls who play games on Facebook, volunteer at church, or cuddle up on your couch to spend Friday night watching a quiet chick flick . Bad girls don’t have time for any of that . They’re out making conquests!
Here’s a news f lash for you: bad girls actually aren’t having that much fun . Those magazines and movies that sell the bad-girl mys – tique are like the bullies that taunt you on the playground, telling you how stupid you are, even though their IQ is only slightly north of a weasel’s . At the time, though, it feels like they own the world and you own the dirt .
My husband was bullied in school . He was a smart kid and a sweet kid (which is probably why he’s a smart and sweet man), and kids used to hassle him for his homework . He went on from public school to excel in med school, and he returned to his hometown as a pedia – trician . When he walked into one of his first deliveries, the prospec – tive dad took one look at him and turned pale . “Please don’t hurt my baby,” he said . For there, before Keith, was the bully who had taken a swing at him fifteen years earlier . Now the tables were turned .
Keith had mercy on both the baby and the dad, and the day ended happily . But while Keith once felt like a weakling, that didn’t mean he was a weakling . He had brains, he had motivation, and he had God to help him make it through med school (and an awesome wife who paid the bills) . He may not have realized all his assets dur – ing his public-school days, but he was actually better off than the bully who acted so tough .
That’s how it is when it comes to Good Girls and bad girls too . Those extolling the bad-girl lifestyle claim that bad girls know how to have sex best . The media features bad girls f launting their bodies and bragging about their conquests . Indeed, our culture is based on this bad-girl idea that women are sex obsessed in the exact same way fourteen-year-old boys are . And yet none of it’s true .
A Family Research Council study of 1,100 married couples revealed that the women who had the most fun in the bedroom were not the Paris Hiltons of the world . 1 The prototypical sexually happy woman better resembled that middle-aged secretary who lives down your street, puttering around in her garden, packing an extra twenty-five pounds . Gravity has taken its toll, but she’s the one who’s the tiger in the bedroom . She’s the one having fun, because she has the secret to sexual success: she’s been married to the same man for the last twenty-two years, and they’re totally and utterly committed to one another .
Just because someone dresses provocatively does not mean that her sex life is satisfying . Sex doesn’t work that way, because sex was designed to be something private, between two committed people . And designed is the key word . Sex isn’t an animal instinct; it’s some – thing beautiful that God created us for, at our core .
Our culture celebrates sex only as instinct — we have a drive that needs to be met . I don’t understand why this is supposed to be so marvelous, though . After all, animals operate on instinct too . Their goals in life — in as much as they’re able to make goals — are to get all their physical needs met . And by and large, they instinctually know how to do that . People, on the other hand, have to be taught what to do . Then, even when we are taught, we have the capacity to refuse .
We can act Who’s a Good Girl?
In ways diametrically opposed to our well-being . We can be stupid . We can be selfish . And what’s more, we can even be noble, some – thing most animals, with the exception of a few dogs, aren’t able to be . That’s what makes us essentially human: we have a choice . And because of that, we have the capacity to actually be good and to choose to do what’s right . In other words, people aren’t simply animals . We’re higher than that . To think that operating solely on animal instinct is progressive is exactly backwards . It’s regressive . That bad-girl cultural icon with her stash of flavored condoms and a closet of club wear isn’t more in touch with her sex drive or more authentic about her sexuality than a Good Girl is; she’s less in touch, because she’s treating sex as something purely instinctual and not something sacred . That’s why bad girls may talk about it more, flaunt it more, and laugh about it more, but Good Girls actually have more fun.
Topic ONE of : The good girl’s guide to great sex